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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627665">true to life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trite/pseuds/trite'>trite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Minor Finn/Rey (Star Wars), Minor Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron, Organized Crime, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD, Undercover Missions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:14:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,114</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27627665</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trite/pseuds/trite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is this spite? You get fired and you want revenge?” Hux asked.</p>
<p>That was the cover story.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>true to life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is not meant to be realistic in any way. All my knowledge comes from Scorsese movies.</p>
<p>Details about Poe and Zorii’s relationship inspired by <i>Poe Dameron: Free Fall</i>.</p>
<p>My eternal gratitude to L for reading this over and offering invaluable feedback and characterization insights. You keep me right, babe. ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The warehouse was the definition of clichéd. Dark, remote, completely empty except for the table and the two chairs on each side of it, a single light bulb illuminating the place. They might as well have put up a sign saying ‘criminal activities in progress. Do not disturb.’</p>
<p>“Why are you doing this, then?” Hux said, sitting across from him. Poe was surprised he hadn’t resorted to some pathetic power move like standing and pacing around Poe.</p>
<p>“What do you care? The intel was good, so I’m here to get paid.” Choosing what information to share was a delicate balance. It had to seem real, but not be real enough to hurt them.</p>
<p>“It was, but I’m still interested in knowing why war hero and bureau golden boy Poe Dameron is selling information to the enemy.”</p>
<p>“My bad. I didn’t know we were here for a heart to heart.” When Hux didn’t budge he added, “I’m doing it for the money. Speaking of...” Poe said pointedly.</p>
<p>Hux placed the envelope (black, in keeping with their overall aesthetic) on the table. “Is this spite? You get fired and you want revenge?”</p>
<p>That was the cover story. “I’m sure you know what it’s like to be displeased with leadership.”</p>
<p>“Hmm. I’ve never botched an undercover operation out of love and greed, though. How is she? Your cause for—”</p>
<p>Poe pushed away from the table and cut him off before he could finish. There were truths in the lies, after all. “Are we done here?”</p>
<p>Hux stared at him intently. “For now.”</p>
<p>Poe had to stop on the side of the road ten minutes later to throw up. The headlights of his car blinding him and further obscuring the road ahead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How did it go?” Leia asked on a secure line and after he’d swept the room for bugs. He had to be as paranoid as the people he was dealing with.</p>
<p>“He obviously doesn’t trust me. I don’t think he bought it.” Poe had spent a year undercover with the Kijimi crime syndicate to prepare for this. It was only now, after almost another year undercover in his own life, that he realized he might not be cut out for undercover work.</p>
<p>“Did he say anything about Ben— Kylo Ren?” Leia amended quickly.</p>
<p>Poe closed his eyes. Everyone had skin in the game. “Nothing we didn’t already know. They don’t get along. Hux’s careful, smart, paranoid. For a moment there, I— I didn’t think he was going to let me leave.” Or live for that matter.</p>
<p>“Poe, do you want out?”</p>
<p>They both knew that was not an option. Not when they had come this far. Not after everything he had let his life become. He had the irrational urge to scream <em>I couldn’t see my dog for a year for this,</em> which was true and had felt just as big as pretending to lose his career. “No, I can do this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poe kept pushing.</p>
<p>“This is a little light,” Poe said grabbing the envelope. He had picked an indie coffee shop for them to meet this time, not wanting to get dragged to the middle of nowhere to a future (and probably past) crime scene. This was as far away from that as they could get. The tables were shaped like infinity signs.</p>
<p>“That is the sum we agreed, even though your information was ‘a little light.’” Hux looked like an alien trying to pass for human in a place like this. It wasn’t even the expensive black-on-black ensembles he constantly wore (though perhaps that wasn’t helping matters when everyone else seemed to be college students in oversized hoodies), it was something in his demeanor. It made Poe wonder things like <em>where would a guy like Hux go on a first date?</em> The idea was at least amusing.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s your men’s efficiency that’s a little light. You can’t take an unguarded warehouse? That’s not on me. Anyway, I want to renegotiate our terms.” He stretched his legs under the table and felt his feet bump into Hux’s, but neither of them pulled away.</p>
<p>“No, you’re already overpaid.” He reached for the coffee Poe had gotten him and frowned before and after taking a sip, distastefully putting it down on Poe’s side of the table. Poe had asked the barista to write down <em>Hugs</em> on it. The little heart had been her idea.</p>
<p>“You’re not gonna get better intel anywhere. Gotta keep me in the style I’m accustomed to.”</p>
<p>“And it has nothing to do with those gambling debts that keep piling up?” Hux did this on purpose. There was no need for him to antagonize Poe and try to get under his skin. It awoke in Poe an urge to rattle him right back.</p>
<p>“I’m flattered by your interest in my personal life.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have much of one,” Hux said. It validated this continued artifice of a life he was pretending to lead, actually leading. He really didn’t have much of a life aside from this. His career imploding, his unhealthy coping mechanisms, his lack of friends, it all had to seem real because they knew someone like Hux would be watching.</p>
<p>“Are you hitting on me? ‘Cause your odds are actually pretty good. I’ve always had a thing for prickly demeanors that hide a more sensitive side.”</p>
<p>Hux glared at him. “I wonder what your parents would think and say if they knew you wished to continue consorting with criminals.”</p>
<p>“Oh, are we getting into parental issues now? <em>I</em> wonder what your dad would say if he knew you were kneeling for someone like Kylo Ren.”</p>
<p>Hux gripped the edge of the table and said, “it’s traditional. We’re all expected to pay obeisance to him.”</p>
<p>“Is that what you tell yourself when you get on your knees for him?”</p>
<p>“Don’t be revolting. It’s nothing like you’re making it sound.” Hux did look a little disgusted now, so Poe chose to back off.</p>
<p>Poe shrugged. “Don’t worry, your bad taste isn’t a dealbreaker. I was serious about you being my type.”</p>
<p>Hux went a deep shade of pink all the way to his ears. To be fair, it could’ve been from anger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re late,” he said as Hux sat down across from him. He decided to go for obnoxious by having Hux meet him at an ice cream shop. Bright white walls, pastel seats, and pop music surrounded them. <em>It ain’t so bad if I wanna make a couple mistakes</em>, came from the speakers.</p>
<p>“I was otherwise occupied and I’m late by only five minutes.” Hux looked around distastefully at the place and sat down carefully, looking woefully out of place.</p>
<p>“Five more minutes than I would expect from you.”</p>
<p>Hux clenched his jaw but chose not to engage. “What do you have this time?”</p>
<p>“Hang on. Before I tell you anything, I want double the rate we agreed.” Poe was just playing the part, but maybe they could bankrupt them too. He was being an optimist.</p>
<p>“I think you’ve mistaken me for a bank you can rob at gunpoint. I can see why you would be confused. It is what you’re used to, after all.”</p>
<p>It didn’t matter that he had been undercover or that no one had gotten hurt or that he had been going by another name, it had still been Poe who had done those things. He clenched his fists. “The information I have is worth it. I think your boss will see it that way.”</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“I know where Rey is.” Poe felt nauseous as he said the words. They had agreed on this. He had spoken to her and Finn just this morning. <em>It’s time to take him down,</em> she had said.</p>
<p>Hux scoffed. “The rookie Ren was obsessed with? So do I. She’s six feet underground.”</p>
<p>“She’s alive.”</p>
<p>“No, she isn’t. Ren said—” Hux shook his head, but he didn’t look convinced. <em>He trusts him as little as he trusts me</em>, Poe thought.</p>
<p>“Oh, do we believe Ren now?” Poe asked.</p>
<p>“He was more deranged than usual in the aftermath. He couldn’t have been lying. Unless he’s keeping her shackled in a room somewhere,” he said frowning.</p>
<p>“Are you pretending to be above kidnapping and human trafficking right now?” The Order had its fingers in every unsavory pie.</p>
<p>Hux leaned forward and asked, “Dameron, I’m serious. Is he?”</p>
<p>“No, she’s in WITSEC.” Poe felt the bright lights overhead briefly blind him as he said the words. <em>It’s fine. They’re ready.</em></p>
<p>“I can’t— this isn’t strategically relevant to the Order in any way.”</p>
<p>“It’s relevant to your boss.”</p>
<p>“To feed his one-sided obsession. This is not the kind of information we agreed on exchanging.” Hux stood up and added, “bring me something worthwhile next time.”</p>
<p>“Do you really want to be the person who decided to keep her location from Ren? I could take it directly to him. Tattle on you on the way there.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t think you’d be this interested in meeting him again after last time. Was being tortured fun for you? That you want to go back for seconds?”</p>
<p>Poe gritted his teeth. He had wanted to get away from his body so much afterward that he had agreed to trade his identity for a year. “You should know. You keep going back for seconds and thirds.” Poe winced. He hadn’t meant to say that. “I’m sorry, that was—”</p>
<p>Hux’s hand instinctively went to his neck before he clenched it in a fist and stopped its trajectory. He sat back down on the bright pink booth, his black suit contrasting with it in a way that wasn’t completely unfavorable to his features, and calmly said, “I need proof.”</p>
<p>Poe took out the tablet and passed it to him, feeling reluctant for a second to let go. “Here. Pictures.”</p>
<p>Rey had joined Finn in WITSEC after she had almost died. She had trained and she had recovered with Finn and something more had grown between them. They make each other better, stronger. <em>They’re ready</em>, Leia had told him two months ago.</p>
<p>“This could have been taken any—” Hux stopped and squinted at a picture. Poe knew exactly why. “Is that the traitor?”</p>
<p><em>He has a name,</em> Poe bit back. “They’re together.”</p>
<p>“Evidently,” he said and passed the tablet back to Poe. The pictures had, of course, been staged. They needed to get Kylo Ren’s attention and keep it, so some PDA had been suggested as an extra measure. Poe didn’t know the details but he still felt uncomfortable knowing they had to weaponize their relationship like this. It was guaranteed to work, though.</p>
<p>“No, keep it,” he said, pushing the tablet back. “Show it to your boss. You know he’ll easily pay triple for that.”</p>
<p>“You said double.”</p>
<p>Poe grinned. “Did I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A light fixture above them kept flickering on and off. It wasn’t enough to leave them in darkness but it had an unnatural effect when combined with the almost total lack of customers. Poe had seen horror movies start like this. Hux’s pale, washed-out look didn’t inspire much confidence either.</p>
<p>“I told you he would go for it,” Poe said and pushed a slice of pizza in Hux’s direction.</p>
<p>Hux frowned at the plate and pushed it away. “He would’ve gone higher too.”</p>
<p>Poe shrugged. “There’s always next time.”</p>
<p>“What’s the location?”</p>
<p>Poe reached for a napkin and wrote it down. The black marker ink soaking the flimsy material immediately. He passed it across the table and bit his lip. There was no coming back from this.</p>
<p>“You have terrible penmanship,” Hux said, squinting at the address. “What exactly is the plan here?”</p>
<p>“I leave that in your somewhat capable hands.”</p>
<p>Hux leaned back against the leather booth. Not even the black and white aesthetic of the place made him seem at home. “Dameron, stop this charade. I know you’re still working for the bureau. Your secret task force isn’t as secret as you would like it to be. Besides, the disillusioned double agent act was clichéd and trite.”</p>
<p>There was no way he knew. If he had known, Poe would have had several guns pointed in his direction right now. “I don’t know what you think—”</p>
<p>“I think you’ll find our causes more aligned than ever now,” Hux interrupted.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I want to take him down. Let’s switch roles.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That is a terrible plan,” Hux said, leaning over his coffee table.</p>
<p>It was weird having Hux in his home. Poe had, by design, not received visitors in months. He wanted this place, at least, to be somewhere he didn’t have to pretend to embody a long list of mistakes that someone had decided wouldn’t be too farfetched for him to make.</p>
<p>“He’ll go to her. He won’t be able to help himself. She’s ready. They both are,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“That’s not why it’s terrible.”</p>
<p>They spent the next two hours working through all the holes Hux had poked in their plan. He had to admit that maybe Hux had been right.</p>
<p>“Was it just to provoke him?” Hux asked from the other end of the couch, pointing at a picture of Finn and Rey. Their hands tangled together, facing each other as Rey pulled Finn closer to her body.</p>
<p>“No, it’s real between them. It was there before this whole Kylo Ren business got—”</p>
<p>“I guess life and death situations tend to accelerate some things,” he said, trading his usual prickliness for something more sullen.</p>
<p>“I think if there’s—” but before he could finish the sentence, Hux got off the couch and knelt between his legs.</p>
<p>“Don’t talk. Just let me do this,” he said, on his knees in front of Poe. “I don’t— I don’t usually enjoy kneeling.”</p>
<p><em>This is such a bad idea</em>, Poe thought as he leaned down and their lips connected. They kissed wetly and deeply until Hux bit his lower lip and pushed him back against the couch. His hands were shaking as he fumbled with Poe’s zipper.</p>
<p>What Hux lacked in finesse he made up for in enthusiasm, letting Poe’s cock rub against his cheek and the roof of his mouth repeatedly. He pulled back and sucked hard on the tip, hollowing his cheeks and looking up at Poe, maintaining eye contact all way through.</p>
<p>It was good. Poe kept jerking up into his mouth before remembering to be polite and holding himself still. He touched Hux’s hair, the back of his neck, brushed his fingers over his cheek, around his lips where they were connected. Something kept squeezing his chest, cutting off his air, in a way that went beyond sex. Poe felt as if he hadn’t had human contact in almost two years. He felt as if he had barely been inhabiting his own skin.</p>
<p>After Hux swallowed and rested his forehead against Poe’s knee, panting harshly, Poe said, “come here.” He chased his own taste inside Hux’s mouth and began trying to get rid of Hux’s layers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He checked his phone when he woke up. Six am, the glowing screen told him. This had always been his favorite time to see the sunrise. He turned on the bed and saw the early sunlight fall on Hux’s features, making his hair stand out against Poe’s white pillowcase. He didn’t look relaxed or peaceful as much as less immediately homicidal. Poe shifted on the bed again and Hux opened his eyes.</p>
<p>He didn’t wake up in increments but all at once. He tensed and was fully alert in seconds, taking in his surroundings, but not making a move. For everything Poe knew about Hux, he felt like he didn’t know enough.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Poe said, circling his wrist and then lightly scratching the inside of it.</p>
<p>“I didn’t intend to sleep over.” Hux shifted his body awkwardly on the bed, trying to maneuver without dislodging Poe’s grip. Poe felt the small gesture of temporary companionship anchor him. He was relieved Hux felt equally reluctant to sever this connection.</p>
<p>“That’s fine. I tired you out.” Poe didn’t even try to keep the pleased note out of his words.</p>
<p>When Hux turned to scowl at him, he pulled him closer and then met him halfway, kissing him as the sun rose and warmed the space around them.</p>
<p>“I have to go. I still have a job to do.” There was more emotion in Hux’s voice as he said those words than in any conversation they had previously had. “I think it’s time to end this little interlude.” He moved away from the bed and went to the neatly folded pile of clothes on the chair.</p>
<p>The bed felt considerably colder without him in it. “For now,” Poe said.</p>
<p>“Yes, I have a job to do <em>for now.</em>“</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poe tried to visit every week, every other week. He felt like he was doing it more for himself than for her sometimes. Zorii was one of few connections his cover allowed him to retain. It strengthened it, made it seem more genuine and less out of a rejected movie script. Poe missed Finn and Rey and Jessika and Snap and Karé, but he — this other him — wasn’t supposed to. He was meant to resent them; Poe didn’t think he was a good enough actor to sell that, though. So he settled for option number two: he was supposed to feel too guilty to want to face them.</p>
<p>“How are you? How have you been?”</p>
<p>Zorii stared at him from across the round metal table, bathed in the visitation room’s pale yellow light. It felt, as usual, as if she could see beyond him; beyond what he wanted her to see. Whatever had enabled him to keep his cover intact for a year, he knew it wasn’t his ability to deceive her. “I’m good. I— you seem worse than I do, actually. You look terrible.”</p>
<p>“You’ve gotten shallow,” he said with a laugh.</p>
<p>“You’ve gotten no better at bullshitting,” she said and some fondness came through.</p>
<p>He winced. <em>You have no idea</em>, he wanted to say. It wasn’t her problem, she had enough of those.</p>
<p><em>You either help us or you die,</em> she had told him, pointing a gun at him. It hadn’t been a threat, but a fact. There were no half-measures. He hadn’t been afraid of the gun. After all, it wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last time that happened. (The first time they had met, Hux had pressed his gun against Poe’s side to rattle him; the muzzle feeling hot on his skin where it connected both their bodies.) What had terrified him was seeing his realization mirrored on her face. He had known exactly who she was, but he had believed he could turn her. She had believed the same of him and they had both been wrong.</p>
<p>“How are you feeling about the trial?”</p>
<p>“My lawyer does nothing but reassure me that it’s going to be okay. I don’t know if that’s a reflection of who she is or of something she believes she sees in me.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I believe her. I’m sure it’s going to be okay,” Poe said. He inched his fingers across the table, but her hands stayed firmly close to her body.</p>
<p>“I’m only looking for professional opinions on this matter.” When Zorii looked down and smiled weakly, he felt a strong sense of déjà vu. It could have been two years ago, the first time he had met her, when he had sensed some common ground in their circumstances.</p>
<p>“Do you know — I mean, have you heard from your mother?”</p>
<p>It was the wrong thing to say. Whatever warmth had been in her gaze immediately vanished. Her face shuttering down; her features quickly taken over by a look of determination, challenging him to continue. It would have been a glare, but she was far too careful about showing her hand for that. “You’re out there in the world, free to live your life, and that is the most interesting topic of conversation you can think of?” Only a trace of resentment colored her words.</p>
<p>Zorii always struck the perfect balance between making him feel at ease and making him feel caught off guard. He usually enjoyed it. “I didn’t think you’d want me talking about myself. You know how hard it is to get me to stop,” he joked, trying to get the not-quite comfortable mood from before back.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind. Seen any NASCAR races recently? Met anyone interesting?” She paused, seeing something in him he hadn’t meant to show. “You have.”</p>
<p>“I’m an outgoing guy. I meet lots of interesting people every day. Just yesterday I was walking Beebee and this guy at the park was dressed as a dog. He kept trying to lure dogs to him by— posing? It was—”</p>
<p>“Poe.”</p>
<p>“You’d like him.” They would absolutely hate each other.</p>
<p>“The guy from the park?” she asked, fighting back a smile.</p>
<p>“No. Well, maybe. I meant the guy I met. He’s a lot like you.”</p>
<p>Zorii scowled at him. “I seriously doubt that.”</p>
<p>Before he left, he told her, “I’ll come back next week.” He refrained from adding <em>if I make it out of it alive, if we succeed, if—</em> He didn’t think about it like that anymore, he just dealt with the fallout as it came.</p>
<p>“I know you will. You are relentless, Poe Dameron.” She gave him a genuine smile, tinged with sadness and affection.</p>
<p>Zorii had taught him one thing: it’s not enough to swoop in and play hero, you have to stick around and play the long game.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The following week found them back in Poe’s home, in his bed, more entangled than they should be, than Poe should have ever let them get.</p>
<p>“What was real? Was any of it?” Hux looked human for once, lying across Poe’s bed.</p>
<p>“What d’you mean?” Poe was still trying to catch his breath. They were moving against Kylo Ren tomorrow and Poe was going to be sore in a lot of places. He didn’t regret suggesting the second round, though.</p>
<p>“The gambling? Botching the undercover op? Getting in too deep with Kijimi crime syndicate?”</p>
<p>“No, none of that was real. It needed to look real and I really was undercover with the Kijimi syndicate. Mostly as a set up for this. We knew the Order had its eye on them and none of you guys would’ve believed me otherwise.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t believe it for a second and if Ren had known it was you he wouldn’t have either.” Hux rolled over and stared are the ceiling.</p>
<p>“You played along.”</p>
<p>“I— I needed your help to take him down. It seemed almost too good to be true. I wonder if it actually is.”</p>
<p>“It’s not. It’s as good as it seems.” Poe tried to close the distance between them but sensed Hux stiffen before he could reach him.</p>
<p>“Did you also tell your girlfriend that? Miss Bliss?”</p>
<p>Poe sighed. “It wasn’t like that between us. She saved my life.” He had felt a connection to Zorii, mostly forged by their high-stress situation, but it was still there and he cared for her.</p>
<p>“And she’s now awaiting trial for her crimes.”</p>
<p>“She cooperated, she did the right thing. She’ll be fine. Don’t take my word for it, take her lawyer’s.”</p>
<p>“That’s right, you still visit her.”</p>
<p>Poe gritted his teeth. Of course he knew. It wasn’t surprising but Poe still resented it. It wasn’t about keeping his visits a secret; he just didn’t want them reduced to their performative nature. “I do. She means something to me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure that’s a great comfort to her as she spends her days in a cold, diminutive cell,” Hux said coldly.</p>
<p>“I care about her but that doesn’t change the fact that she was the second in command of a crime syndicate.” There was nothing else Poe could do or could have done, that’s what he kept telling himself. She had been a true believer of her cause, of her way of life. Her mother hadn’t helped matters.</p>
<p>“I guess you do have a type.” Hux sat up on the bed with his back to Poe. The room was almost completely blanketed by darkness. The sliver of light that came from the restaurant’s sign across the street occasionally giving the room an eerie red tint.</p>
<p>He pressed his hand against Hux’s back, stilling his movement when Hux flinched and resuming when Hux leaned against his touch; a relaxation response.</p>
<p>“You’re brave and I’m glad you’re doing this.” Poe moved closer, rested his forehead against Hux’s spine, and said, “it’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
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